Codependency is a series of symptoms, emotional, somatic, cognitive, and behavioral, that govern a person's life. What are these symptoms and what defines a codependent?

  • To have low levels of self-esteem or self-worth, to have grandiosity, or other-esteem.
  • To believe that others are better than you.
  • To depend on what others believe of you for your sense of self-worth.
  • To have your sense of self-worth derive from money, power, employment, career, choice of home or car, friends, social circle.
  • To have difficulty setting functional and appropriate boundaries.
  • To not know where you begin and where you end, in terms of self-identity.
  • To blame others for the unpleasant feelings you are experiencing.
  • To expect (sub-consciously perhaps) others to fix your feelings.
  • To put yourself last in a relationship.
  • To be overly dependent on or independent of others.
  • To forgo your needs and wants for the needs and wants of someone else.
  • To rescue and enable others in their unhealthy behaviors.
  • To depend on someone else in your family for your emotional needs and happiness.
  • To ignore your needs and wants, or to confuse them with someone else's.
  • To defer your opinions to someone else.
  • To ignore and deny our emotional, behavioral, somatic, and cognitive realities.
  • To make your spouse/partner your higher power.
  • To control people in your family in order to get them to do what you want.
  • To have trouble expressing your reality in moderation: communicating in "black or white" terms, polarizing, and being extreme.

A codependent's ultimate fear is to be abandoned and/or  intimate with others,  and so he/she will do what ever it takes, even at the detriment of the relationship, or at the risk of being harmed physically or emotionally, to avoid this from happening. 

Integration is not the same as blending. Integration requires that we maintain elements of our differentiated selves while also promoting our linkage. Becoming a part of a “we: does not mean losing a “me.” Integration as a focus of intervention among a range of domains of integration becomes the fundamental basis for how we apply interpersonal neurobiology principles to the nurturing of healthy relationships.
— Daniel J. Siegel, Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology: An Integrative Handbook of the Mind

At Hopemead, we focus on healing the origins of codependence, on rebuilding healthy ways of relating to your family members, and teaching you new tools to grow and become self-differentiated from others.